Uganda’s Political Clowns Award Themselves

Uganda is the only country where comedy writes itself, and the latest episode in the grand political theatre has left us all in stitches—half from laughter, half from pain. Just as we were still wrapping our heads around the saga of Mathias Mpuga, the former Leader of Opposition (LoP), and his fellow NRM commissioners, who shamelessly awarded themselves service medals before even figuring out the “services” they were supposed to render, a fresh scandal has erupted. This time, the thieves turned on each other, fighting over stolen loot meant to ensure more theft. Welcome to Uganda, where corruption is not just a practice but an art form!

The Mpuga Madness: Getting Paid for Doing Nothing

For those unfamiliar with this masterpiece of daylight robbery, Mathias Mpuga and a few other NRM stooges under the watchful eye of Speaker Anita Among decided they deserved awards for services never rendered. The brilliance of this move cannot be understated—it takes real guts (and a complete lack of shame) to congratulate yourself for work you haven’t done. Imagine students awarding themselves degrees on the first day of school, or an athlete demanding a gold medal before the race even starts! Even more mind-blowing is that these self-glorifying awards were worth a whopping 500 million Ugandan shillings. This was not just corruption; it was a revolutionary new approach to stealing, and our dear politicians are clearly setting global records in shamelessness.

When Thieves Steal from Thieves: The Kawempe North By-Election Heist

As Ugandans were still digesting this grand heist, another circus act unfolded—this time within the NRM itself. Top bosses in the ruling party are now under investigation for allegedly swindling money that was meant to steer the stealing of votes in the recently concluded Kawempe North by-election. Yes, you read that right. Funds allocated for rigging elections were stolen by the very people entrusted with ensuring the theft was successfully executed. It is believed that a staggering 4 billion Ugandan shillings was passed just to make sure the election was rigged to the maximum. Unfortunately for them, the people of Kawempe North foresaw this madness and made sure these thieves died in their own corruption movie.

Now, the Chief Vote Rigger himself, Mr. Museveni, is reportedly making endless calls and demanding explanations as to why the mission wasn’t successful as always, despite ensuring that the full amount they requested for their “magic” was availed.

If this was a movie, it would be a blockbuster. Corrupt officials fighting over stolen loot, exposing their own dirty secrets in the process—what more could an audience ask for? The only tragedy is that it’s not fiction. This is real life for millions of Ugandans who suffer under the weight of these antics, yet the perpetrators continue to live lavish lifestyles, untouched by the law.

The International Community Watches in Disbelief

While Ugandans are used to these tragic comedies, the international community looks on in disbelief. How does a government justify such blatant corruption? How do politicians not even bother to cover their tracks? The Mpuga medals and the Kawempe North vote-rigging fund heist are just two of the many scams that play out in this grand theatre of absurdity, and yet no one is ever held accountable.

What’s Next? A Medal for Corrupting Corruption?

At this rate, it wouldn’t be surprising if our leaders start awarding medals for “Outstanding Achievements in Corrupting Corruption.” Perhaps a new category in the National Awards should be introduced, where the most innovative theft schemes are recognized annually. The winner could receive a golden briefcase filled with tax-payer money, handed over by none other than the Speaker herself.

Uganda’s leaders have truly outdone themselves, setting new standards in political comedy. The rest of the world may have Netflix, but we have the Ugandan Parliament. And trust me, their content is far more entertaining—if only it weren’t so painfully real.